Learning Something New...

"Those schoolgirl days of telling tales and biting nails are gone, but in my mind I know they will still live on and on." - Lulu

I love being a student. I wish I had known back then that this would be the place I wanted to be. I wish I could go back and tell my 18 year old self - hey sweetie, guess what? You're going to LOVE university. So do your fucking homework!

Going back to school twenty years after graduating high school is a surreal experience. Granted it's only night school, but still. I love walking through the campus, absorbing the energy from the wide range of students - freshmen, seniors, older students like me - it's just incredible. The vibe is just amazing. All these people, here to learn about any number of topics - english, chemistry, biology, politics. The course guide is incredible. 

i'm  sitting in class on a break right now, and I'm looking around the room. I feel old, I can't deny that. I listen to the others talk amongst themselves, and I feel left out, like I did in high school. But I'm not here to make friends. Although, I have to admit, in my last couple of classes I did meet some great people, and we did hit up the pub for drinks after class on more than one occasion, our professor often joining us. 

I dream about being a full-time  student. I dream about having the experience of living in a dorm, buying sweaters and hoodies with the university logo on it. Going to swim meets and football games. All the stuff I missed out on because I was "too cool for school." I dream about study groups, all night sessions, and running across campus to get to my next class because my stupid roommate didn't turn the alarm back on. 

I dream about sitting in those tiered classrooms, with the podium at the front, everyone working on their laptops. I dream about getting my diploma - wearing the cap and gown and walking on that stage with a sense of accomplishment. 

I know people have done it before. People older than me. I don't doubt I could do it if given the chance. I know I'm smart enough. I know now that I have the drive. I just don't know how I'd get it done. I'd need a sugar daddy, or a lottery win, in order to be able to focus on school, and not have to worry about paying bills and rent and making a living. 

I really wish I'd done it. I've wasted twenty years of my life doing absolutely nothing, and now the urge to do everything is overwhelming. 

On another note, before class is back in session- I stuck pretty much to my diet today. Well, my lifestyle change as it were. I had my shake at lunch, had a reasonably healthy dinner considering it was in the food court, and am having a healthy snack. Now when I get home, I have to remember to take my pills, brush my teeth with my new toothpaste. And I think I'm forgetting something....

Oh yeah - the damn eye cream.