More random ramblings from the other side of sanity

So went shopping across the border with the family this weekend. Which turned into a nightmare for me. I must have tried on about 100 things in my favourite store - which we don't have here in Canada - and came out of there with two tops, a thong and a belt. EVERYTHING looked absolutely horrid on me. Which led me to a serious depression bout. Which normally leads to me binge eating, and down south, there is a HELL of a lot to binge on. So many sweet and salty things we don't have here, and the types of alcohol? Let's just say I would be at least a hundred pounds heavier and an alcoholic if I lived down there.

Amazingly enough though, I didn't really do the binging. I ate a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch that day, with two forkfuls of poutine. I brought my powder with me to do my shakes and did one that morning as well, so I was still going pretty good. Dinner came along (Cheesecake Factory), and I only ate half of my meatloaf sandwich - not for any altruistic reason though, it genuinely sucked.

I couldn't do my shake yesterday morning though. I was just too damn hungry. So I feel like a bit of a failure, especially since I haven't hit the gym in days. I think Tuesday last week was the last day I went. Maybe. I have to keep better track of it.

So I'm kind of down on myself today. And frustrated. And tired. I didn't do a proper shake this morning since I woke up late and had to rush to get ready for work. And I left my gym stuff at home cuz I cleared out my car so I could use my gym bag for my ipad and stuff for the weekend. Even if I had it, I'm too exhausted to go anyway. Which concerns me. I did have a few problems breathing this weekend. And a sudden, sharp pain in my abdomen. Mom said it was my kidneys. But it was the first time that had ever happened, and it hasn't happened since.

I kind of feel like I'm drowning in Should be's - I SHOULD BE looking for another job, I SHOULD BE going to the gym, I SHOULD BE doing more writing, SHOULD BE, SHOULD BE SHOULD BE.... it's all stuff I want to do. I know that if I budget my time better, I'd be able to. I think we'd be so much better off if we threw out our tv. Or at least cancelled our cable. And internet. It's nothing but a time waster. But I love those time wasters. :P It's a nasty habit I know. I feel like I SHOULD BE a more productive human being.

I know it's all about balance. And the funny thing is, today is Tuesday. I started this entry yesterday - and it will post under Monday's date. But I couldn't even be bothered to go home and finish this entry.

It's funny - but I'm not laughing.  I do have an entry for today - maybe it'll make a little more sense than this one.